


feels like we're shaking again

by thisisgermy



Series: whaat huuuuh [3]
Category: Half-Life
Genre: American Sign Language, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Lazy story, Mute Gordon Freeman, half life 2 good but where emotion!, happens when barney gives you the crowbar, oh hey. thought u were dead. thought u were gonna die again just now. lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisgermy/pseuds/thisisgermy
Summary: he's already almost died twice in one hour, and it's the first time he's seen Gordon in twenty years. give a guy a break.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun & Gordon Freeman
Series: whaat huuuuh [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905175
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	feels like we're shaking again

**Author's Note:**

> started: 21/7/2020  
> oh dear! all half life. also apparently theres discourse happening?? but i barely check them tags to see what it is babey!!!!! just don't bring that shit over to me unless i'm doing something problematic please and thank!  
> anyway half life 2 but if it had about 80% more emotions between characters that aren't straight and/or are father/daughter and 100% more swearing

'Gordon!'

he turns around in time to watch Barney launch himself clean over the rail and land in a dust cloud with a gargantuan _thunk_. they meet each other half way, Barney clashing into him with tank-like strength that, if not for the HEV suits power, would have knocked them down. his arms tightly coil around Gordon's body, chest flush to chest. Barney squeezes the life out of him, burrowing his head into the crook of Gordon's neck, and even through their armour, Gordon can feel how hard Barney shakes. he hears Barney's breath stutter, feels his chest thunder, how his hands try to fist into the back of the HEV with little success.

'geez Gordon, you sure do know how to make a guy worry don't'cha? I thought you were a goner!' his voice shakes just as much as his body. he realises that Barney is crying; can feel a wet spot quickly form in his shoulder. 'I thought you were gonna disappear and I'd never see you again.' _again_. with unsure hands, Gordon raises them to pat between Barney's shoulder blades, and he feels Barney deflate further into his space. Gordon moves his hands down to his lower back to hold him, and Barney releases a small, heart crushing sigh, his hug becoming just a touch tighter. he can't breathe too good, but he supposes he doesn't mind much.

they stay like that for a while; Barney slowly composing himself, Gordon idly rubbing soft circles up and down his spine. they are allowed to relish in the fact that they are both real, both alive, both physically okay, then and there in the moment. it isn't much, but it's enough to placate their minds for the time being.

'ah shit, sorry-' Barney says, breaking the buzz of silence with shifts and sniffles, about to move away from Gordon but freezing at the last second. he doesn't care that the wet spot has grown. 'I'm sorry, you uh, you've gotta get goin', huh?' he shakes his head, because _no_ , he _doesn't_ ; he doesn't know where "get going" even _is_ , directions given to him in a rush, nothing about the past really explained. he's in no real rush, not particularly keen on walking to nowhere, more than content to stay in Barney's hold for the rest of eternity. anywhere is better than the nothingness. anything is better than whatever comes next. he wishes it was easy. he wishes he could stay with Barney and not be forced into the role of hero. _again_.

he tightens his grip around Barney, curling his hands into the small of his back and burrowing his head in Barney's neck, and Barney returns the embrace with a newborn ferocity. he isn't sure if it's Barney shaking or himself. maybe it's both of them.

' _fuck_ , Gord, I missed you.' he feels one of Barney's hands snake up to the nape of his neck, clutching him for dear life. the wet spot continues to grow damper. 'I thought you were dead. ... thought you were gonna die in there.' he wants to pull away and say sorry, ask questions, tell him that even _he_ doesn't know where he's been for twenty years, that he's okay now, but to speak means to pull away, and that's something he _really_ didn't want to do. not now, not ever. it crushes his soul to remember that, soon, he _has_ to pull away. 

it's Barney that eventually moves first, though it seems like an eternity before he does. he hesitates, but its only a moment before they're eye to eye. Barney's face is crimson, eyes puffy with tears, brows creased in emotions he probably hasn't felt in years and years. he gives Gordon a shaky smile and makes a futile effort to wipe away his streams, ducking down his head. he huffs a laugh that has no real humour behind it before returning his gaze to Gordon.

'ah, sorry, I uh, I didn't mean to. to do this.' he waves a vague hand at himself. 'it's just. y'know. ... it _really_ is good to see you again, Gordon.' 

'I am glad you are alive.' Gordon signs with shaky hands, close to bursting into tears then and there, and that time, Barney's chuckle does hold humour. he rubs the back of his neck, his other hand on a cocked hip. suddenly they are back in a time that makes more sense.

'well shit buddy, I am too! now come on; them Combine bastards are gonna be looking for you- oh!' he clicks his fingers and jogs back to the platform; picks something up from the floor before running back over to Gordon. he thrusts a crowbar at him - the very same one from Black Mesa, he notices with a sharp jolt - and his cocksure grin is firmly back in place. 'here, you dropped this. can't have you goin' out there with no weapon, yeah? it's all I've got right now, so don't loose it this time.' the shift is so sudden - from a human desperateness to a casual nonchalant-ness, like he hadn't been bawling his eyes out five minutes ago - but Gordon takes it in stride. it almost makes him laugh. it's so very Barney-esc.

he really hadn't changed at all.

'wait.' a thought hits Gordon as he accepts the crowbar, his signs awkward with the hunk of metal in hand. his eyes flit from Barney to the ledge he had cleanly cleared, one brow lowered, the other close to his hairline. 'how are you going to get back up there?' Barney follows his gaze and takes a second to think, mouth opening in an "O" as the situation slowly clicks. he's silent for a few ticks before he shrugs, unfazed.

'eh, I'll figure it out. now git!' he makes a little "shoo" motion, even if he clearly doesn't want Gordon to leave. again. 'go give 'em hell, Gordon! I'll join up with you soon!'

so he nods. turns away, and walks. he whacks off the planks of wood with the crowbar, the metal already feeling at home and the harsh _swoosh_ sound burning his ears. he does not turn to look at Barney's expression, or at what Barney is doing. with no real direction and no real knowledge of where to go or what to do, he stomps ahead, eyes cast forward. from behind him, he hears muffled scrambles and irritated curses, followed by an exhausted sigh.

there's an ache in his chest that he refuses to put any real thought in to.


End file.
